Why Can’t I Just ‘Let It Go’—And What Healing Actually Looks Like

You’ve heard it more times than you can count.

"Just let it go."

"That was in the past—why are you still bringing it up?"

"Why can’t you just move on and be happy?"

And maybe, for a while, you tried.

You pushed your feelings down. You told yourself it wasn’t a big deal.

You said “I’m fine.” even when you weren’t.

But no matter how hard you try to bury it, the pain keeps resurfacing.

In your relationships. In your anxiety. In the way your body holds tension or shuts down.

And eventually, you start asking yourself:

Why can’t I just let it go? What’s wrong with me?

If this sounds familiar—you’re not alone.

And the problem isn’t that you’re holding on too tightly.

It’s that no one ever helped you carry it in the first place.

Let’s talk about why “just letting go” isn’t that simple—and what healing actually looks like.

Why It’s So Hard to “Just Let It Go”

Let’s be honest: if you could let it go, you would have.

But you can’t just flip a switch and erase pain that’s taken root in your nervous system.

When people say “let it go,” they often mean:

• Don’t bring it up again

• Stop feeling what you feel

• Pretend it didn’t happen

But that’s not healing. That’s avoidance.

And avoidance doesn’t make the pain disappear—it just buries it deeper.

So if you’re feeling stuck, resentful, anxious, or ashamed for still being affected by something from your past, know this:

You’re not broken. You’re still hurting—and that pain deserves your attention, not your silence.

What Are You “Supposed” to Be Letting Go Of?

It’s not always one big thing.

Sometimes it’s a lifetime of small hurts that piled up without relief.

You might be carrying:

• A childhood where your emotions were dismissed or ignored

• A family relationship where you had to shrink yourself to feel loved

• Trauma that you never named because “it wasn’t that bad”

• Ongoing stress and emotional labor that no one else sees

• The pressure to be the strong one, the nice one, the one who doesn’t complain

When you were taught to survive, not to feel, it makes sense that your body holds on.

“Why Can’t I Just Be Happy?”

Maybe you’ve asked yourself this:

• I have a good job—why do I still feel empty?

• I’m in a relationship now—why does the past still bother me?

• Other people have it worse—what’s my excuse?

Happiness doesn’t happen just because things “look better” on the outside.

You may be trying to feel happy on top of layers of pain, shame, or unprocessed grief.

And here’s the hard truth no one tells you:

Sometimes healing makes you feel worse before it gets better.

Because when you stop numbing, you finally feel what’s been waiting underneath.

The Real Reason You’re Struggling to Let Go

It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because your body, mind, and nervous system are trying to protect you.

Here’s what might actually be going on:

1. Your Nervous System Thinks the Danger Isn’t Over

If you lived through trauma—emotional, physical, or relational—your nervous system may still be on high alert.

Even if the event is over, your body might still be holding onto the fear, tension, or hypervigilance.

Letting go isn’t just mental. It’s physical.

You have to feel safe before you can release what you’ve been holding.

2. No One Validated the Pain You Experienced

You can’t move through pain that was never acknowledged.

If people minimized what you went through, you might start questioning yourself:

• Was I overreacting?

• Maybe it wasn’t that bad.

• I should be over it by now.

This gaslighting (even if unintentional) keeps you stuck in shame.

Validation is the first step toward freedom.

3. You Were Taught That Feelings Are Weakness

Many of us—especially in Black, Brown, immigrant, or working-class families—were raised to survive.

We weren’t given space to feel, cry, or fall apart.

So now, when your feelings do show up, they scare you. Or you shame yourself for having them. This internalized belief makes it nearly impossible to heal—because healing requires softness, not suppression.

What Healing Actually Looks Like (It’s Not Always Pretty)

Healing isn’t about forgetting what happened or pretending it didn’t hurt.

It’s about learning how to carry your story with compassion, not shame.

Here’s what the process really looks like:

1. Feeling What You Didn’t Get to Feel Then

This part is hard—but it’s necessary.

Maybe you didn’t get to cry when it happened.

Or you had to be strong for someone else.

Or you were told to suck it up and keep going.

Healing means giving yourself permission to grieve, rage, or feel the sadness you buried.

It’s okay if that’s messy.

It’s okay if it’s slow.

2. Naming the Truth—Even If It’s Uncomfortable

You can’t heal what you won’t name.

Maybe you were emotionally neglected.

Maybe you were constantly blamed for everything.

Maybe someone hurt you, and you’ve been telling yourself it wasn’t “bad enough” to count.

It counts.

Your pain is valid—even if no one else saw it.

3. Learning How to Feel Safe Again

You can’t let go of fear until your body believes it’s safe to relax.

That might mean:

• Learning how to calm your nervous system

• Practicing self-compassion instead of self-criticism

• Being around people who don’t expect you to pretend

Safety is the foundation for everything else.

4. Redefining What “Moving On” Means

Letting go doesn’t mean you forget.

It means you’re no longer controlled by the pain.

It means you can tell the story without falling apart.

It means you don’t blame yourself anymore.

Healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about reclaiming your power in the present.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

You’ve been carrying so much for so long.

And maybe no one taught you how to unpack it.

But you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

Therapy can help you:

• Understand why it’s so hard to “let it go”

• Identify the emotional patterns keeping you stuck

• Reconnect with your body and your needs

• Create new ways to feel safe, calm, and in control

At Mindful Healing Counseling, We Get It

We work with people who feel stuck in emotional loops—especially those who’ve been told to “get over it,” “be strong,” or “move on.”

And we offer therapy that goes deeper than advice.

Whether you’re navigating anxiety, trauma, family patterns, or identity struggles—we’re here.

Culturally affirming | LGBTQIA+ inclusive | Trauma-informed
💻 100% online therapy across Chicago and Illinois

You’re Not Too Sensitive. You’re Still Healing.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “Why can’t I just let this go?”

• “Why does this still bother me?”

• “Why can’t I just be happy?”

You are exactly who therapy is for.

Not because something’s wrong with you—but because something painful happened to you.

And you deserve a place to heal from it—with compassion, not pressure.

Ready to Start Letting Go?

You don’t have to keep forcing yourself to “move on.”

You can heal at your own pace—with support that honors your story.

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