Why Am I Always the Problem in My Family?
If it feels like every family conversation somehow circles back to being your fault, you’re not making that up. And it’s usually not because you did something wrong.
In a lot of families, one person slowly becomes the one who carries the emotional weight.
You might be the one who:
Notices when something feels off
Who feels things deeply
Or who tries to smooth things over so everyone else can stay comfortable
Over time, that turns into expectation — and then into blame.
Little by little, you start to feel like you are the problem, even when the real issue is the family dynamic itself.
If you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, “Is my family toxic… or is it just me?” that question alone matters. It says that you’re not trying to tear anyone down or point fingers.
You’re trying to make sense of something that’s been hurting for a long time — and you’re tired of it always landing on you.
You’re Not Imagining This
People who end up in this role usually aren’t the “difficult” ones.
They’re often the thoughtful ones.
The ones who notice tension.
The ones who feel things deeply.
The ones who learned early how to read the room.
You might be the person who speaks up when something doesn’t feel right — or the one everyone expects to be “understanding,” “patient,” or “the bigger person.” And when you do speak up, it somehow turns into you being the issue.
You’ve probably heard things like:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You always take things the wrong way.”
“Why can’t you just let it go?”
“You’re the only one who has a problem with this.”
After hearing that enough times, it starts to mess with your head. You second-guess yourself. You replay conversations. You wonder if you really are asking for too much — or if you should just stop saying anything at all.
That kind of self-doubt doesn’t come from nowhere. It comes from being in a system where your feelings were easier to question than the pattern itself.
You’re Not Failing — You’re Carrying Too Much
A lot of people in this position try everything to make it better.
They explain themselves more clearly.
They set boundaries — then feel guilty for weeks.
They pull back, then feel like they’re abandoning their family.
They tell themselves, “Maybe I just need to work on myself.”
But no matter what they do, the same feeling keeps coming back: Why does this always land on me?
If that’s familiar, it’s not because you haven’t tried hard enough. It’s because this isn’t something you can solve on your own. When the issue lives in a family pattern, one person carrying all the awareness and responsibility will always feel exhausted.
Hearing that can be relieving — and uncomfortable — at the same time. Relief because it explains so much. Uncomfortable because it means you weren’t imagining it after all.
Why I Created Somehow, It’s Always Me Podcast
I created Somehow, It’s Always Me because I kept hearing this same story from people who were tired of blaming themselves for family dynamics that never really made sense.
This podcast is for people who:
feel like they’re always the one at fault
carry guilt even when they haven’t done anything wrong
love their family but feel drained by them
want clarity without being told to cut people off or “just move on”
In the episodes, we talk gently and honestly about why one person so often becomes the emotional catch-all in a family — and how to start loosening that role without shaming yourself.
It’s not about fixing you.
It’s not about labeling your family as bad.
And it’s not about forcing big decisions before you’re ready.
It’s about finally feeling less alone in something you’ve been holding quietly for a long time.
Want to Be Notified When It’s Ready?
If this post felt familiar, you’re welcome to join the early access list for Somehow, It’s Always Me.
There’s no pressure to listen. No pressure to buy.
This just means you’ll be the first to know when the podcast is available — in case it feels helpful for you.
Frequently Asked Questions
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No. Somehow, It’s Always Me isn’t therapy, and it’s not a replacement for working with a therapist. It’s a supportive, educational podcast meant to help you understand family dynamics, offer tools, and feel less alone in what you’ve been experiencing.
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Not at all. You don’t have to set boundaries, confront anyone, or make big decisions. Many people listen simply to feel understood and to put words to experiences they’ve carried quietly for a long time.
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That’s okay. If even parts of this resonated, that’s enough reason to explore. You’re allowed to listen with curiosity, not certainty.
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No. The podcast is private, and you can listen on your own, at your own pace. There’s no sharing or participation required.
A Gentle Reminder
If it feels like it’s always you, that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
It means you’ve been paying attention in a system that asked you to carry more than your share.
You don’t have to figure everything out today.
You don’t have to make any big decisions right now.
You’re allowed to move at your own pace.
And when you’re ready, Somehow, It’s Always Me will be there.
