How to Have Boundaries at BBQs, Vacations, and Family Events
Why Is It So Hard to Say No in the Summer?
Summer can bring sunshine, pool days, grilled food, and long weekends. But for many people, it also brings pressure. Pressure to show up, keep the peace, be "on" for family, or go along with things that don’t feel right.
You might find yourself at a BBQ with your stomach in knots, dreading a question about your love life. Or sitting in a packed car on the way to a family vacation, already feeling burned out before you even arrive.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re not wrong for needing boundaries.
Let’s talk about why summer can be so activating—and how to set boundaries that actually protect your peace.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are not walls. They’re not rude. They’re not dramatic.
Boundaries are the way we teach people how to treat us. They help us honor our needs, protect our mental health, and stay connected to ourselves in stressful or emotional situations.
And in the summer, when social expectations go up, boundaries become even more important.
Why Summer Events Can Trigger Anxiety, Burnout, or Resentment
1. Family Dynamics Are Complicated
Family gatherings often stir up old patterns. Maybe you’re the fixer, the listener, the "good kid," or the one who never causes drama.
Even if you’re a grown adult, stepping into a family event can make you feel like you’re 12 again. That makes it hard to speak up, say no, or walk away.
2. People Expect You to Be Available
"You're off work, right? Can you help with this?"
Whether you're a parent, partner, or adult child, people may assume you have time, energy, and emotional space to give—even if you don't.
Summer often turns into a season of overgiving. That can lead to burnout fast.
3. Social Pressure Feels Loud
You might not want to go to that BBQ. Or be in a swimsuit. Or stay the whole weekend. But saying that out loud can feel scary, especially when everyone else seems fine with it.
We all want to be liked. But people-pleasing can cost you your peace.
4. You're Already Running on Empty
Between work, caregiving, life stress, and the emotional toll of just being human, summer might not feel light and easy to you.
Setting boundaries is a way to create breathing room—so you don’t crash halfway through the season.
How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
1. Get Clear on What You Need
Before the event, ask yourself:
What do I need to feel safe, calm, or okay?
What usually drains me in these situations?
What would help me leave feeling proud of myself?
The clearer you are on what you need, the easier it is to name it.
2. Use Gentle But Direct Language
You can set a boundary kindly. Here are some phrases to try:
"I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, but I’ll need to leave by 6."
"Thanks for the invite. I’m going to sit this one out and rest."
"I’d love to help, but I’m at capacity right now."
"Let’s change the subject. I’m not comfortable talking about that."
You don’t have to over-explain. A simple, clear sentence is enough.
3. Expect Some Pushback
Some people might not love your boundaries. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means they were used to you saying yes.
Stay calm. Repeat yourself if needed. You are not responsible for other people’s disappointment.
4. Have an Exit Plan
If things get too uncomfortable or overwhelming, it’s okay to leave. You can plan ahead:
Drive your own car
Schedule something after so you have a natural out
Text a friend to check in with after
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Boundaries You Might Need This Summer
Time Boundaries
"I can come, but just for an hour."
"Weekends are my rest time, so I’ll need to pass."
Energy Boundaries
"I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now."
"I need a quiet morning before we go out."
Emotional Boundaries
"That topic feels too heavy for today."
"Let’s keep the conversation respectful."
Physical Boundaries
"I’m not comfortable hugging today."
"Please don’t comment on my body."
Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Respect
Setting boundaries is not selfish. It’s not rude. It’s not overreacting.
It’s self-respect.
It’s saying:
My needs matter.
I deserve peace.
I can love my people and still protect myself.
You don’t owe anyone unlimited access to your time, energy, or emotional space.
What Happens When You Practice Boundaries
You leave events feeling less drained
You feel more confident and in control
You start trusting yourself more
Your relationships become more honest
You feel safer in your own body
It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier.
You are allowed to disappoint others if it means not abandoning yourself.
When to Reach Out for Support
If boundaries feel scary or impossible—especially around family or in your culture—you’re not alone. It makes sense that this would be hard.
Therapy can help you:
Identify your needs and triggers
Practice boundary-setting in a safe space
Heal people-pleasing or codependent patterns
Learn how to manage guilt and pushback
You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
Ready to Protect Your Peace?
At Mindful Healing Counseling, we support women, LGBTQIA+ folks, and people of color who are tired of overgiving and ready to take their power back.
We offer online therapy in Chicago and throughout Illinois to help you set boundaries, navigate family stress, and feel more grounded in who you are.
You deserve a summer that feels good to you.
