Breaking the Cycle: How to Calm People-Pleasing Anxiety

Let's talk about how prioritizing others and that desire to make everyone else happy, can lead to anxiety, stress and burnout. The cycle can be endless, as that “to-do list” just keeps getting longer. Don't worry, we have some tips to help you break the cycle!

First things first, let's acknowledge that people pleasers have some pretty impressive skills. You're excellent at anticipating others’ needs and coming up with creative solutions to make people happy. But here's the deal: when you're constantly putting others first, it can lead to some serious anxiety and exhaustion down the line.

So, what is people pleasing, exactly?

People pleasing is the act of constantly putting other people's needs before your own, often at the expense of your own mental and emotional well-being. For example, a people pleaser might agree to do a favor for a friend even though they are busy and already overwhelmed, simply because they don't want to disappoint that friend. They might be afraid to say no because they worry that it will damage the relationship or make the other person think less of them. This can lead to chronic stress and anxiety, as well as lack of fulfillment in one's own life.

What are the Possible Causes for Anxiety?

One major factor in people pleasing anxiety is the fear of rejection. We all want to be loved and accepted, right? But sometimes we end up saying yes to everything because we're afraid of what will happen if we say no. Will people still like us? Will we be left out of the group? These questions can swirl around in our heads and make us feel really uneasy. Unfortunately, these beliefs can sometimes come from our upbringing in families with other people-pleasers who judge and criticize those who don’t put everyone else first. I’ve heard it and I get it, but when is the time for you?

Another source of anxiety is over-commitment. When we're trying to juggle too many commitments and responsibilities, it can feel like we're drowning. We end up feeling like we're not doing anything right, which can make us feel even more stressed out and anxious. Sure, saying yes to everything might give you some temporary warm and fuzzies, but ultimately, you're just setting yourself up for more anxiety, stress, and burnout.

But don't worry! There are some strategies that you can use to ease people pleasing anxiety:

1.      Learn to say No: This sounds pretty simple (easier said than done, I know), but also incredibly important. Saying no is not a sign of weakness. There’s no shame in prioritizing your own self-care and taking time to recharge your batteries. It's a sign of knowing your limits and respecting your own boundaries. So, practice “no” (politely, of course) when you need to.

2.      Set realistic limits: You don't have to do everything for everyone. Figure out what your limits are and stick to them. You'll be amazed at how much more manageable life becomes when you're not juggling 100 different things all at once!

3.      Prioritize self-care: you deserve to take care of yourself too! Make sure you're taking the time to do things you enjoy, whether that's going for a walk in nature, binge watching your favorite show, having your favorite warm drink, taking a relaxing bath, or listening to your favorite song.

4.      Challenge negative thoughts: When negative thoughts start creeping in, consider challenging them instead of spiraling into self-criticism when things go wrong. Let's say you're worried that your friend is mad at you because you said no to their invite. Remind yourself that your friend probably understands that you're busy, and that it's OK to prioritize your own needs.

Remember, you're worth it and amazing just as you are. You deserve to take care of yourself just as much as you take care of those around you. So, the next time you feel yourself slipping into anxiety mode take a deep breath and remind yourself of these tips. You've got this!

Anxiety Treatment in Chicago and Illinois

At Mindful Healing Counseling, we understand the challenges of living with anxiety. That's why our team comprises several therapists specialized in anxiety treatment, offering counseling services virtually to individuals residing in Chicago and throughout Illinois.

Our therapists are experienced and trained in working with people dealing with various concerns such as anxiety, trauma, depression, pregnancy and postpartum concerns, relationship difficulties, life transitions, setting boundaries, managing family dynamics, navigating grief, and more. We prioritize providing affirming spaces for BIPOC and LGBTQ+ individuals. We offer a range of evidence-based treatments including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), mindfulness-based approaches, relational therapy, and more. Our services extend to adults of all ages, as well as teens, college students, couples, and families.

Reach out to us today. You can contact us by filling out our contact form or by calling or texting us at 708-419-3171. We're here to support you every step of the way.