What’s Wrong with Me? Why Do I Feel This Way?

You’ve asked yourself the question more times than you can count. Maybe it shows up in the quiet moments, after another argument or another day of feeling numb. Maybe it rushes in when you mess up, shut down, or spiral out. You feel the familiar weight of guilt. You whisper it under your breath or scream it into a pillow:

“What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep doing this? Why can’t I just be better already?”

You’ve tried. You really have.

You’ve read the self-help books. You’ve journaled. You’ve made promises to yourself in the mirror.

You’ve told yourself: This is the last time.

I’ll be stronger tomorrow.

I won’t mess it up again.

But then it happens again.

You snap at someone you love.

You freeze in a moment that matters.

You cancel plans because your anxiety is too loud.

You shut down completely and wonder if you're just... broken.

And with each moment, shame creeps in. The kind of shame that whispers:

You’re the problem. You’re too much. You’re not enough.

If that sounds familiar—you’re not alone. And there is nothing wrong with you.

Let’s talk about why it feels this way—and what you can do next.

Why Do I Keep Asking “What’s Wrong With Me?”

This question often shows up when we feel like we should be different than we are.

You might be:

• Feeling stuck in emotional patterns that don’t make sense

• Struggling with anxiety, depression, or trauma responses you can’t “think” your way out of

• Exhausted from trying to “fix” yourself and still coming up short

• Wondering why things that seem easy for other people feel so hard for you

It’s frustrating. And confusing. And deeply painful.

When you’ve spent years (maybe decades) trying to hold it all together, it’s easy to assume the issue must be you. Especially if you’ve been told that by family, partners, or your own inner voice.

But here’s the truth:

That question—“What’s wrong with me?”—is usually a signal.

A sign that your nervous system, your past experiences, and your coping strategies are trying (imperfectly) to keep you safe.

There’s a Reason You Feel This Way

It’s not that you’re lazy, broken, or failing at life.

It’s that your mind and body learned how to survive—and those survival strategies are showing up even when you don’t want them to.

You Might Be Carrying Old Wounds

Many of us carry invisible emotional injuries from childhood, past relationships, or long-standing patterns of stress and overwhelm.

You may have grown up with:

• Emotionally unavailable or critical caregivers

• A home where it wasn’t safe to express needs or feelings

• A history of trauma, bullying, neglect, or loss

Even if things “looked fine” on the outside, your nervous system remembers what felt unsafe. And it holds on to those memories—sometimes for years.

So when you ask, “Why do I feel this way?”—the answer might live in the past.

Not because you’re stuck there. But because the hurt parts of you haven’t had a chance to heal.

When Shame Takes Over

Shame is a master shapeshifter.

It tells you that not only did you mess up—but that you are the mess.

It says:

• “Everyone else is doing fine. What’s your excuse?”

• “You’re too sensitive. Too emotional. Too needy.”

• “You should be over this by now.”

The shame cycle can be relentless:

You feel something → you judge yourself for feeling it → you spiral → you shut down → then feel shame for shutting down.

It’s exhausting. And it can keep you from reaching out for help.

But here’s the thing: shame thrives in silence.

And the more we talk about it—the more we shine light on it—the smaller it becomes.

You don’t have to carry this alone.

Common Emotional Struggles That Might Be Behind the Question

Let’s break down a few common reasons you might feel like something is “wrong” with you—and why that’s not the case.

1. Anxiety That Won’t Turn Off

Anxiety isn’t just worrying—it’s a full-body experience.

Your heart races. Your chest tightens. Your mind spins out of control.

Even when nothing’s technically wrong, your body is on high alert.

You might feel overwhelmed by:

• Decision-making

• Social interactions

• Small changes to your routine

• Even just getting out of bed

Why it happens: Your nervous system is trying to protect you by staying “on guard”—often because of past experiences that taught it to be hypervigilant.

You’re not broken. Your body is trying to help. It just needs a reset.

2. Depression That Feels Like a Fog

Depression can be sneaky. It’s not always about crying in bed all day. Sometimes, it’s:

• Feeling numb or disconnected

• Going through the motions but feeling empty

• Losing interest in things you used to enjoy

• Constant self-criticism or guilt

Why it happens: Your system may be trying to conserve energy. If life has felt unsafe or too heavy for too long, shutting down can feel like the only option.

It’s not weakness. It’s a survival response. And healing is possible.

3. Unhealed Trauma Responses

Trauma isn’t always one big event. It can be:

• Growing up never feeling good enough

• Constant emotional invalidation

• Repeated moments of fear, rejection, or instability

You might notice trauma responses like:

• Freezing or shutting down in conflict

• Panic or overreaction to small stressors

• Trouble trusting people or letting your guard down

You’re not “too much.” You’ve been through too much—and your brain is trying to protect you.

The Lies Shame Wants You to Believe

Let’s name them out loud.

If you’ve ever said or thought:

• “I’m just too sensitive.”

• “I should be over this.”

• “Other people have it worse.”

• “If I were stronger, I wouldn’t feel this way.”

You’re not alone—and none of those things are true.

You’re not weak.

You’re not dramatic.

You’re not a burden.

The truth is…

You are someone who feels deeply.

Who has carried too much for too long.

And who deserves compassion—not criticism.

So… What Can You Do When You Feel Like This?

Here are some gentle steps forward. Not fixes. Not quick hacks.

But small, human-sized steps toward healing.

1. Name It Without Judgment

Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” try:

• “Something feels off. I want to understand it.”

• “This feeling is hard. I wonder what’s underneath it.”

• “My system is trying to protect me. What might it need?”

Curiosity is the antidote to shame.

2. Get to Know Your Triggers

Notice when these feelings show up.

Is it after criticism? During conflict? When you feel left out?

Mapping your triggers helps you understand your nervous system and reclaim power in those moments.

3. Connect With Safe People

Not everyone deserves access to your tender feelings—but some do.

Reach out to people who see you, listen without judgment, and remind you that you’re not alone.

4. Work With a Therapist

Therapy is a space where you don’t have to have it all figured out.

It’s where you can unpack the deeper roots of that “what’s wrong with me” voice—and start to rewrite the story.

At Mindful Healing Counseling, we work with people just like you—folks who feel too much, try too hard, and carry the weight of being the “strong one” for too long. We offer online therapy in Chicago and across Illinois, making it easier to start from wherever you are.

Therapy Can Help You Feel Like You Again

We’re not here to fix you.

Because we don’t believe you’re broken.

We’re here to:

• Help you feel safe in your body and mind again

• Understand your emotions instead of fearing them

• Build compassion for the parts of you that feel “too much”

• Create space to breathe, rest, and grow—without shame

You don’t have to go it alone anymore.

You’re allowed to ask for help.

You’re allowed to take up space.

You’re allowed to heal, even if you’ve carried this pain for years.

You Are Not Broken—You Are Becoming

Let’s be honest—healing isn’t linear.

Some days you’ll feel strong. Other days, the old thoughts will sneak back in.

But every time you pause, breathe, and choose compassion over shame—you are building something new.

A life where your feelings make sense.

A self who feels safe inside.

A path forward that doesn’t start with “What’s wrong with me?”—but with “What does this part of me need?”

You’re not behind.

You’re not a failure.

You’re human. And healing is possible.

Ready to Talk to Someone Who Gets It?

If you’re tired of carrying it all alone, we’re here.

At Mindful Healing Counseling, our team of warm, affirming therapists supports teens, adults, and couples through anxiety, trauma, relationship struggles, and emotional overwhelm. We offer culturally affirming, LGBTQ+ inclusive, trauma-informed therapy online across Illinois—so you can start healing from wherever you are.

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