Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn? Understanding Your Stress Response

When your body reacts before your brain can catch up

Have you ever snapped at someone out of nowhere, shut down completely, or found yourself people-pleasing just to avoid conflict—and wondered why you reacted that way?

You’re not broken, dramatic, or “too sensitive.” What you experienced is called a stress response, and it’s your body’s automatic way of trying to keep you safe.

Maybe your chest tightens before you even know what’s happening. Or you hear yourself saying yes when you desperately want to say no. These aren’t character flaws—they’re your nervous system trying to protect you, even if it no longer fits your life today.

Most of us have heard of “fight or flight,” but there are actually four main stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.

Understanding them can help you recognize your patterns—and learn how to cope when stress or anxiety takes over.

What Is the Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn Response?

The fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses are survival instincts built into your nervous system. They’re designed to protect you when your brain senses danger—even if the “danger” is just a tough conversation, a looming deadline, or an argument with your partner.

• Fight – Defensiveness, anger, or lashing out to protect yourself.

• Flight – Avoidance, escaping the situation, or distracting yourself.

• Freeze – Shutting down, feeling numb, or unable to act.

• Fawn – People-pleasing, apologizing, or doing anything to keep the peace.

These responses aren’t choices. They happen automatically, often based on past experiences, trauma, or what your nervous system learned was “safest.”

Why Does My Body React This Way?

Your brain has a built-in alarm system called the amygdala. When it senses a threat—real or imagined—it sounds the alarm. Stress hormones like adrenaline flood your body. Your heart races. Your breathing changes. Your body prepares to protect you.

Thousands of years ago, this kept humans alive when danger meant wild animals or life-or-death threats.

Today, the “threat” might be:

• An upsetting email from your boss

• A partner’s tone of voice in an argument

• A family member’s criticism

• Memories of past trauma

Here’s the tricky part: your brain can’t always tell the difference between real danger and emotional danger. That’s why your reactions sometimes feel bigger than the situation.

Examples of Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Here’s how these responses might show up in everyday life:

Fight

• Snapping at someone who criticizes you

• Yelling during an argument before you even realize it

• Clenching your fists or jaw

• Feeling the urge to prove you’re right at all costs

Flight

• Changing the subject when conflict starts

• Ghosting someone after a disagreement

• Burying yourself in work, cleaning, or scrolling social media

• Physically leaving a tense space

Freeze

• Going blank in a meeting or forgetting what you wanted to say

• Feeling paralyzed or unable to move in a stressful moment

• Struggling to make decisions

• Shutting down emotionally when conflict arises

Fawn

• Apologizing repeatedly, even when you’ve done nothing wrong

• Saying “yes” just to avoid upsetting anyone

• Downplaying your own needs

• Over-functioning in relationships to keep the peace

How Past Trauma Shapes These Responses

If you grew up in a home where conflict, criticism, or chaos were common, your body likely learned how to survive—not thrive.

• If staying quiet kept you safe → your body may default to freeze or fawn.

• If defensiveness was the only way to be heard → fight may feel natural.

• If escaping helped you avoid harm → flight may be your go-to.

These patterns are not your fault. They were your nervous system’s way of protecting you. The challenge is that what once kept you safe may now keep you stuck.

Why Knowing Your Stress Response Matters

Understanding your stress response gives you power.

• In relationships – You can notice when you’re fawning or fighting instead of connecting.

• At work – You can catch yourself freezing in meetings or avoiding tasks.

• With yourself – You can stop blaming yourself for “overreacting” and instead realize: my body is just trying to protect me.

Awareness is the first step to responding differently.

How to Recognize Your Own Stress Response

Think about the last time you felt really anxious or overwhelmed. Did you:

• Get angry or lash out? (Fight)

• Avoid the situation or distract yourself? (Flight)

• Shut down or go blank? (Freeze)

• Try to please everyone else? (Fawn)

You may notice you lean toward one main response—but different situations can trigger different ones.

Tips to Cope With Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn

Here are some strategies you can try for each pattern:

If You Tend to Fight

• Pause before reacting. Count to 10 or take 3 slow breaths.

• Use “I” statements: “I feel hurt when…” instead of blaming.

• Step away briefly to calm your nervous system before re-engaging.

If You Tend to Flight

• Ground yourself: “I’m safe right now. I can handle this.”

• Face one small part of the problem instead of all at once.

• Ask for support so you don’t feel alone.

If You Tend to Freeze

• Move your body—stretch, walk, or shake out your hands.

• Focus on your senses: name what you see, hear, and feel.

• Give yourself permission to pause: “I need a minute to think.”

If You Tend to Fawn

• Practice saying “no” to small things.

• Check in: “What do I need right now?”

• Remind yourself: love isn’t earned by people-pleasing.
  

You’re Not Broken—Your Body Is Trying to Protect You

Your stress response is not a flaw. It’s your body doing its best to keep you safe.

But living in survival mode all the time is exhausting. With support, you can teach your body that it’s safe to respond differently. Therapy can help you:

• Understand where your patterns come from

• Learn nervous system regulation tools

• Build healthier boundaries

• Heal past trauma that keeps you stuck in survival mode

FAQs About Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

• What’s the difference between fight, flight, freeze, and fawn?

  They are different stress responses. Fight = anger/defensiveness. Flight = avoidance. Freeze = shutting down. Fawn = people-pleasing.

• Is fawning a trauma response?

  Yes. Fawning often develops when people grew up needing to keep others happy to feel safe.

• Can I change my stress response?

  Yes. With awareness, nervous system tools, and therapy, you can shift your patterns over time.

• Why do I shut down in conflict?

  That’s usually a freeze response. Your body feels overwhelmed and goes into “pause” mode.

• How does therapy help with trauma responses?

  Therapy helps you understand why your nervous system reacts the way it does, gives you tools to feel calmer in the moment, and supports you in creating new patterns of safety.

Therapy for Stress and Trauma in Chicago & Illinois

At Mindful Healing Counseling, we help people just like you learn how to:

✔ Calm their nervous system
✔ Break free from survival mode
✔ Build safer, healthier relationships
✔ Heal from past trauma

We provide culturally affirming, inclusive online therapy across Chicago and Illinois, with therapists who specialize in stress, anxiety, trauma, and boundaries.

If this blog felt familiar, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Reach out today to connect with a therapist who understands.